Forget the punishing New Years Resolutions–the denying yourself the things you love.
Here’s a new twist! Celebrate Self-Love Month in January by beginning 2013
with 31 days of being kind to yourself. Best-selling author Daylle Deanna Schwartz is the genius behind the Self-Love Movement and is offering her new book How Do I Love Me? Let Count the Ways for free. You can download it here:
http://howdoiloveme.com/the-book/And if you want to be accountable to yourself, you can sign the pledge to commit to beginning 2013 with 31 days of being kind to yourself. http://howdoiloveme.com/the-pledge/
Archive for 2012
Forget the punishing New Years Resolutions–the denying yourself the things you love.
A little girl grew up and wanted to become a nun. She also had a talent for humor and wanted to make people laugh. She wanted to be a comedienne.
So what was she going to do? Become a nun or a comedienne? How about both? Yes both. Check out this video and see how actresses/nuns follow their passion for comedy, got out of the box of either/or, and stayed true to their values.
From Late Nite Catechism
Pegotty and Randy Cooper, coach colleagues of mine who train coaches specializing in divorce, shared the 5 biggest and most common mistakes people make when they negotiate a settlement in a divorce.
1) Throwing in the Towel.
2) Taking the “My way or the highway” approach to negotiating.
3) Betting the farm on another relationship.
4) Wanting guarantees and certainties.
5) Not getting advice or assistance from enough sources.
It’s important to recognize how vulnerable we are during a time of divorce. Emotions like worry, fear, anger, or, in the case of #3, lust or infatuation may be hijacking your brain, making it nearly impossible to make rational choices that will best serve you.
Your divorce lawyer isn’t paid or trained to help you manage those emotions. A professional certified coach is.
This video is a perfect illustration of the nature of leadership and how we can create movements and attract followers.
It starts with one crazy, shirtless guy, who eventually attracts a follower.
Notice the momentum that happens when one follower turns into three. And see how easy it is to create a mob when you create a safe place to play!
The lesson here is that the first few followers are as important as the leader and the more the leader recognizes the value of the first followers the more successful he/she will be.
In your organization, who is the crazy shirtless guy and who are the critical first few followers?
I’ve always said if you want a friend, be a friend. I don’t know who to attribute this saying to, but it might well have been Dale Carnegie because in the pocket-sized Golden Book (which is given to everyone who goes through the Dale Carnegie training) one of the main principles that is listed is: Become a Friendlier Person.
You might think you’re a friendly person, but you won’t meet the Dale Carnegie standard of friendly unless you consistently practice these nine habits:
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested other people.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
These nine habits when adopted as a way of being can make a huge impact in your ability to make friends and nurture relationships. It will also serve you in other ways, particularly when people feel comfortable enough with you to share information that they may not share with others. And if you can be trusted with that information you will have built a relationship for life.
Friendlier is better, not just in your personal life but in your business life too.
My mother forwarded me this video and I was blown away.
Stephen Wiltshire, from London, is nicknamed the ‘Living Camera” and he is autistic. He was challenged to draw a 500 yard panoramic picture of Rome in three days after one short helicopter ride over Rome. He had never been in the city before.
Except for the detail of one dome roof, he succeeds, meeting his three day deadline and drawing what is described “as a blueprint of reality.”
Stephen Wiltshire is often referred to as a savant but we all have our own slice of genius and we can all draw on the power of the mind to do amazing feats.
Recall just one instance where you knew something that you couldn’t have known otherwise, but through the brilliant capability of your mind and your intuition. You did it then and you can do it again.
“I have a home, and a car, and a job. Do you need a few bucks for some coffee?” When I saw this photo it made me smile. How amazing it is that this man thought to make a sign like this and commit the time and money to stand out on a corner handing out dollar bills.
What an act of gratitude and celebration, what an expression of abundance!
This act would be impossible if you let financial worries rule your world. It would be impossible if you believed you were poor or disadvantaged.
It would only be possible if you felt secure in your financial future and you were truly grateful for what you had in your pocket right now, even if it is only twenty dollars.
It would only be possible if you had no fear.
This made me very sad because I knew that this was not unusual. I’ve had clients who have said the same thing.
I too have stayed in jobs that I did not enjoy because I believed it was for the best, or I felt that I couldn’t do anything else at the time that would provide as much, or more, money.
Yet as I look back on those times I acknowledge that I didn’t stay in those jobs for very long and that during the times I was felt “stuck” in a job I looked for opportunities to express my passion through my hobbies and through my social interactions.
Even now as I make my career as a coach, I have not let go of my many passions, one of which is wine appreciation and education. Last year I pursued a dream of getting a sommelier certification. I went out to California for an intensive week-long course that culminated in a very challenging blind wine tasting. I managed to pass this test on my first attempt and I’m not sure how I did it.
Actually, I do know how I did it. I prepared extensively ahead of this week of instruction in California by attending every free and cheap wine tasting I could find. I educated my palate tasting wines I had never been exposed to before: wines from Austria, Tasmania, and Croatia. And on the morning of my exam I arranged to have one of my peer coaches do a session with me where he invited me to visualize and feel a successful outcome. He reminded me that my mind was a file cabinet and that every piece of information I have read or assimilated over the many years of wine tasting would be readily available to me as if I was opening up a file cabinet filled with archival information. This was just the thing I needed as I nervously sat down for a timed, written test and one of the toughest blind tastings I’ve ever experienced.
When the exam was finished my fellow sommelier wanna-bes and I paced the hallways waiting for our exam results which were promised to us that evening but instead we got word that the test results would not be forthcoming and that we would have to go home without knowing whether or not we had passed. Three weeks later I was informed by e-mail that I had passed the exam. I was delighted that I was able to accomplish this and be granted the Advanced Sommelier certification. Through this experience, I learned so much that will enhance my enjoyment and appreciation of wine.
Today I am planning a wine trip to Spain. I go back to the notes I made in sommelier class and I recall all the wonderful Spanish wines I have had the privilege to taste.
The passion continues…
Prior to creating launching my new website, the 180 coaching blog was hosted on blogger.com. There was no easy way to bring that content over to the new website at WordPress, so I am providing a link back to the archives of the blog so that you can check out our previous posts.
Here’s an sample of what you will find:
“We found that optimism is the greatest predictor of entrepreneurial success because it allows your brain to perceive more possibilities,” said Achor. “Only 25 percent of job success is based upon IQ. Seventy-five percent is about how your brain believes your behavior matters, connects to other people, and manages stress.
Effective communication is a large part of what builds successful relationships and well-being. Unfortunately communication skills are not taught in high school or even in college so most of us go through life learning our communication skills through trial and error, or from the influencers in our lives. Unfortunately those influencers have no clue how to communicate either. Sitcom and screen writers have a heyday showing us how bad communication can create loads of drama.
When you look at where people fail at communicating it typically falls into two categories–judging and sending solutions, according to Robert Bolton’s groundbreaking book People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts.
This book was written in 1979, but I still see evidence of these blocks in modern communication. Judging can be as simple as offering your “two-bits worth” of advice, or it can be more stinging like criticism or labeling. Sometimes we feel we must be critical in order to help people change for the better but instead we diminish them, or we label them a “nag” or an “idiot” and they are suddenly reduced to a type instead of a person. Rarely is our advice constructive because it communicates that we know better than the other person. To that other person advice feels like a form of judgment, or an affront to their intelligence.
Judging and sending solutions typically means you’re doing most of the talking. You’re likely not listening in a constructive way. One cool trick to improve listening is to invite the other person to speak by saying “Tell me more?” or “What’s on your mind?” and then to resist the impulse to interrupt and just remain silent giving the other person the time and space to formulate a meaningful response. If we give in to the urge to interrupt, comment, or editorialize we are in fact wallpapering over what they are saying with our own judgments and opinions or comments. And in doing so we have failed to listen in a constructive way.
Bolton says effective communication always shows respect, empathy, non-possessive love, and genuineness. Think back on one incident where you felt your communication was lacking. Which one of the above was missing in that communication?
Flickr photo by Art Freak